


The Last Goodbye

by your_fav_dead_character



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gen, Heavy Angst, Spoilers, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:35:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29332404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_fav_dead_character/pseuds/your_fav_dead_character
Summary: Warning: endgame spoilers!After V's suicide her loved ones gather to say their last goodbyes. They don't know her spirit is still there and she can hear them.
Relationships: Judy Alvarez/V
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	The Last Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> An alternative to the phone calls during the credits. Written from V's perspective. Some Judy x V, but it's not the main thread.
> 
> This is my first published fanfiction in English, I'm not a native speaker, so there may be mistakes (also my puntuation is shit).

“Thank you all for coming” 

The bar is closed today, the neon lights shut, only candles cast warm light on red bricks of the wall. The room is filled with flickering shadows, someone is playing acoustic guitar. I recognise the melody – we used to sing this song with the clan, sitting around the fire, stars looking from above, just like I do now. A wave of emotion washes over me – an emotion I don’t quite recognise.

The crowd barely fits inside El Coyote Cojo, where my ofrenda is taking place. I have Mama Wells to thank for it, she organised it, just like she organized the one for Jackie. I’m actually not surprised, ever since he introduced me to her she has treated me as her own daughter. I was so happy, because even though I wouldn’t admit it in a hundred years, I missed the Bakker family. I felt lonely and lost in the chaos of the city, and she gave me a home. I’m happy now too. They made me an altar, like the one Jackie had, with candles, mexican sugar skulls and candles. I like it, it makes me feel I won’t be forgotten. I’m glad that Mama Wells made me this ofrenda, so everyone who wished could say goodbye in a proper way, before they let me go. 

How many came. I didn’t realize that so many people would want to bid me farewell. I was always an outsider, interrupting their lives. I figured most of them wouldn’t give a shit about my death. But they’re here – all of them.

Members of the Bakkers family, only a few, but those are the ones who felt truly sorry when I left the clan. A couple of fixers, including Regina Jones, my main fixer and Rogue, who I always thought despised me. Some of my ex-customers, the ones who knew me personally, like Claire, the bartender at the Afterlife, and Pepe, at the Coyote, and some better known, like Peralezes, Lizzy Wizzy and Blue Moon of Us Cracks. A gathering of my acquaintances, Nancy and Denny from Samurai, Roxanne of Clouds, Joss with her kids, Wilson, the gun trader at my mega building, and Fred, who set me up for a number of fist fights in the city. People of the Aldecaldos, Saul, Mitch, Carol, Bob and Teddy, hostility between them and the Bakkers sensable, but contained. 

And then there are those who knew me the best. Goro Takemura, who saved my life and who I later saved, stands silently in the corner, his face expressionless. He’s probably pretty pissed that I didn’t help Hanako while I could, and now who will prove that Yorinobu killed Saburo? I don’t give a fuck about Arasaka, but I feel sorry for him. I must admit, I’ve grown to like this man.

River Ward, the only cop I ever liked, clasping his sister. Considering the fact that he had a huge crush on me, he looks quite ok. As if he has already come to terms with my death. Panam on the other hand definitely hasn’t. She paces back and forth, appears to be angry, furious, like she wants to scream and break things. She restrains herself, but it still hurts to see her like that. Like after Scorpions death. 

Kerry is here too, wearing his sunglasses, probably to cover any emotion he might let out. Our friendship was something special, something reserved for relations between queer people. A sense of solidarity, a bond of sorts. I know he considered me his closest friend and my death came as a shock to him. Guiltiness stucks me.

The next person I see is someone I didn’t really expect. It very unlike her to take part in such an event. But she’s here. And my heart breaks into little pieces when I look at her. Judy Alvarez, my beloved output, sits in the very same spot I sat at Jackie’s ofrenda, leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees, colourful hair covers her face. She’s trembling, as if she was holding back tears, and all I want to do is to call out to her, give her a hug, stroke her hair and whisper sweet nothings in a soothing voice. To let her now I’m fucking here, watching her, unable to let her know that I wait for her, and that I will keep waiting as long as I have to. 

But she never believed in afterlife. 

Neither did I to be honest.

Next to Judy sits Victor, in his suit, with haunted expression on his face. Beside him stands Misty, holding her hand on his shoulder. They knew me the longest, they know what exactly happened. Why I did what I did. Victor is probably blaming himself, thinks he didn’t do enough. Bullshit. 

Misty on the other hand seems to have accepted my suicide. Almost like she has predicted it. Maybe she did, all the tarot she read for me should have given her an image of what could happen. 

Mama Wells starts the ceremony. She speaks first.

“It breaks my heart, having to say goodbye to the one I treated like a daughter so soon after the death of my son. I remember her speech during his ofrenda, how she said about him being the best friend anyone could have. And he was. But so was she”

No, I wasn’t. I abandoned all of my friends. I died and left them on their own. 

“I hope they are now reunited in heaven”

Not yet. 

Mama Wells stops, then continues with a strangled voice. 

“She came to Night City to find a new family and I was happy to welcome her into its filthy streets. But deep down she always had a heart of a true nomad. Maybe she just couldn’t live in such a vile, suffocating place.”

Actually, I found the city strangely beautiful. With its dark, littered alleys and neons everywhere, every homeless and corpo, and gangoons, and cops. I found order in its chaos, it felt like the city was a living creature in itself, breathing smog and roaring with gunshots. It was suffocating, can’t deny it, but I’ve grown to like the city.

Mama Wells turned to the altar and placed a torn-off bagde with Bakker family logo on it. Hell, where did she find it? I must have left it in her house when I lived there. 

“Descansa en paz, V”

Before anyone has time to do anything, Panam walks to the altar, looking like she’s on the edge of a breakdown. Her eyes are dry though, even if her voice is a bit shaky. 

“When I first met V, she was nothing but a cheap-jack merc to me. With time I’ve grown to respect her, like her, and eventually she became a close friend. From a person I would secretly blame for my own problems she grew to someone I would trust with not only my life, but also my entire family’s. She never let me down, was always there when I needed her.”

Well, of course I was. How could I have not been? She would have done the same for me. If I gave her a chance to. But then she’d die, and that’s something I would never agree to. To exchange her life for my own? Never.

“All I wanted to do was to return the favour.”

The favour? Cut the crap, Panam, you know damn well you don’t owe me nothing! You fucking gonk...

You gave ma a new family! You accepted me as one of your own, even though I was once a Bakker. You gave me a chance to live like I used to, and I was willing to take it once I would solve my Relic problem. The fact that I didn’t solve it is my fucking fault!

She looks like she’s bitting her tongue, as if she would say something she would later regret. I think I know what it is. That I betrayed her by killing myself. That she would rather to never have met me in the first place. That she _hates me_ for what I’ve done. 

Instead of all that, she lais down a botlle of my favourite beer, the one we were always drinking after the raids. Man, I would die for one sip of it. Well, I’m already dead, sooo... I would gladly die again for one sip of it. 

“I’ll never forget you, V”

Oh God, Panam... I don’t know if I can bear the whole ofrenda.

When Panam walks away, turning her face from the crowd, River approaches the middle of the circle of people. 

“I didn’t know V very well, she was more of the mysterious type.”

Was I really?

“But... What I know is that she would never walk away from someone who needed her.”

It’s called being humane?

“She was a fighter. Always out to fight anything she didn’t agree with. Even if it wasn’t worth it. Even if it meant only troouble and dispute.”

Yeah, I guess I was a bit stuborn. Also kinda dumb. Sometimes.

“She showed me how to find a new meaning in life. May she rest in peace”

Thanks, River. I’m sorry if I caused you any pain, by rejecting your feelings or you know... dying. I really liked you and your family, loved to hang out with you guys. 

That’s what I want to say, but still can’t do anything. I’m currently in between. Not alive with them, but still here, to let them have their farewell. And to give my own goodbyes. After this ofrenda nothing will restrain me from moving on. To Jackie and Johnny. I will no longer be tied to this world. That terryfies me a bit. To leave this all behind, leave everything my life was. And do this all on my own.

He puts down my shades. Well specifically, they’re Johnny’s, but he gave them to me after his crazy night out. How could River have known that, anyway? For all these people they were always mine. I actually wish I had told some of them about Johnny. Now he’s completely dead, and almost no one knows this time. Can’t imagine how that feels.

Oh wait... I was wrong. Someone recognised those shades. Kerry, all shook up, because he recognised them, they remind him that Johnny was gone too. _Again_. This time for good. 

He stands in the centre, coughs. 

“Ekhm... The memory that comes to mind when I think of V is when she came out to me.”

Oh no. Not _that_ one. He wouldn’t dare.

“We were on coffee in that new place in Vista del Rey.”

He dares. He’s telling _that_ one. Motherfucker! That’s _the most embarrassing_ moment of my life!

“She though I was hitting on her.”

Yeah, cause you were smiling like an _idiot_ anytime I said anything and you fucking _touched my hand_ without reason. How is that _normal_ , you prick!

“She got really embarrassed-”

You don’t fucking say?!

“-and blurted out that she’s a lesbian.”

What was I suppossed to do, _asshole_?!

“I wasn’t even surprised, it was just funny to see her like that, all blushing and stammering.”

_Fucking Eurodyne._

He sighs.

“For me, she was a true friend, the one who would laugh her ass of with me as easily as cry her eyes out on my shoulder.”

Yeah, beacause _I_ was the one to cry my eyes out on his shoulder. But yeah, he was a great friend. I could always be myself around him. No pretending, no lying, no hiding Johnny from him. I liked to believe I mattered more to him than Johnny did. That he didn’t hang out with me only to be in touch with him. I knew they had a history and I suspected Kerry had feelings for him, long ago. But it seemed like he really enjoyed my company. 

He lays a collectors edition of debut album by Inferno Corps, my favourite band, on the altar. The memory of our long discussions concerning music flashes before my eyes. I know my taste in music is rather uncommon, its really rare to hear someone blasting Ritual FM on their radio, but he always respected my taste. Said he could really use my “fresh ear” to help him with his own songs. 

“You’ll never fade away, V” he hums while he walks back into the crowd. 

Next one up is Victor. He stands there for a while, gathering strenght to speak. I think I know what he’s going to say.

“I feel like it’s my duty to explain something to all of you.”

Yeah, I was right. Everyone so far has sucesfully avoided the mindfield. Not a word has been said about my suicide. 

“V didn’t kill herself, because she was done with her life. She didn’t choose to die.”

Judy’s head lifts rapidly. River freezes, eyes fixed on the ripperdoc. Takemura grunts. Kerry makes his way back to the altar.

“What did you _just say_?”

“V was already dying. Had been for a while.”

Kerry looks like someone punched him in the face, he stumbles and sits on the floor, leaning back against the wall. Judy pierces Victor with her wet eyes, “ _How_?” she growls.

“After a failed mission she took a bullet in the head. A certain chip saved her then, but it turned out the chip was a time bomb. She was slowly fading away, everyday feeling worse and worse. She dedicated herself to finding a way to stop it and survive, but apparently in the end it was just too much. Maybe she didn’t want to sacrafise anyone for her life. Maybe wanted to die on her own conditions. Or maybe she just gave up.”

It was all of them. I didn’t want to die. I loved living. But I was scared. And _broken_. My body was betraying me and I just didn’t want to suffer. I didn’t want anyone else to die either. The more I think about it now, the more I despise myself for what I did. Was I _that_ weak? Did I really just _give up_?

“Anyway, it was a matter of hours by then. Instead of a long, agonising death she chose a quick, clean end. And can any of us blame her for that?”

Yes. Yes, you can. I could have _tried_ more, I could have gone to the Saka Tower _myself_. If I got killed that way it would be different, I would go down fighting, like Johnny and Jackie did. But no. I _chose_ not to try, _chose not to fight_. How could I have done that?!

This time there are no reactions in the crowd. Everyone stays silent, procesing, what Victor just said. 

“V’s greatest goal was to become a living legend. She didn’t fear anything, didn’t have second thoughts. When she wanted something, she reached out and grabbed it. She believed in herself, thought she could do anything she wanted. And she was unstopable. But at the same time, she was the sweetest person when it came to her friends. Had a heart of gold and a gentle soul. And that’s a combination Night City can’t stand. When she got too close to the Sun, the wax in her wings melted and the fall begun. And in the end it had cost her her life.”

Oh sweet fuck... Did he just compare me to Icarus? 

And how _in the name of god_ am I supposed not to cry. These people... It’s only now that I truly realise how much I meant to them. How my death hurt them. How _I_ hurt them by _killing myself_. Do I deserve to meet Jackie again, considering how much I’ve wronged my loved ones? All of their rage, depression, melancholy, grief, sorrow... I knew they would come. I _knew_ all of that and still I pulled the trigger. Why? 

The object Victor places on my altar is Dying Night. My gun. The one I killed myself with. I can’t even look at it.

“Rest easy, V.”

How can I rest easy? _I made all of you suffer_. I could have have liefly just scream “fuck you all” to your faces. 

The guilt overwhelmes me as I see Judy stand up, rush to the alltar. Her eyeliner is ruined, trails of dark ink mark her hace, revealing she has been crying. It’s the worst thing I have ever seen. 

“I don’t think I can say anything that wasn’t already said about her. But for me, she was the only good thing in this wretched city.”

Her words hit me like a train. I feel like I can’t breathe, even though I don’t breathe anymore.

“When I lost all hope, she would restore it. When nothing mattered to me, she came, and she mattered. I felt so lucky... So fucking lucky I had someone like her who loved me.”

_Fuck_ , Judy, stop, please. I can’t take it anymore.

“And I loved her. With all my heart”

I’m _dead_! How can I feel all of this if I’m dead?! Why does it hurt _so much_?! Is it my punishment, for making all these people suffer?

“She was too good. She...” Judy stops. Something seems to choke her. Fresh tears run down her face. She turns and gently puts down a framed photo of us, diving together. She sent me this photo to hang on my wall. I looked at it while I was falling asleep. 

“Goodbye, V” she whispers.

What have I done to you. I could have been with you, for another day or month or hour. I could have called to ask you to come to me, so I could spend the rest of my life with you. I could have tried to save myself. I could have done it for you. I could have given you my life. Instead, I took it myself. 

The last person to speak is Misty. Her words are soft, quiet. 

“V was someone I could never define. When I said that to her one day, she responded: “But that’s good, right? The definition eliminates the possibility of change”.”

I must have been really drunk.

“She was a truly free soul, always doing whatever she wanted to do. Lived a life loaded with adventures and friendships. However short it was, I want to believe she was happy with it and didn’t regret anything.”

I don’t regret anything in my life. Only the way it had ended. The way _I_ ended it.

“Victor earlier compared her to Icarus. She flew too close to the Sun, but at least she flew. As Oscar Wilde wrote: “Never regret thy fall, o Icarus of the fearless flight, for the greatest tragedy of them all is never to feel the burning light”.” 

_Fuuck_...

She adds the final object to my altar – it's the very same charm she made me from a bullet that almost ended me after the heist. 

“I hope you’re flying in heavens now, Valerie.”

I have no words. I feel so happy. She made me so happy. I was so miserable a moment ago – still am, deep down – but she sees _beauty_ in my fall. She always have, that’s just what kind of person Misty is. Always sees what’s beautiful in others. And makes sure they know it. And the fact that she used my real name, for the last time. She’s the last person alive to know it, now that I’m gone. It feels only right, to call me by my right name. For the last time. 

“Is that her...”

“Yes.” Misty answers Mama Wells’ unfinished question. “That’s her real name.”

My name. _Valerie_. Now they all know it. I’m actually glad they know it. It was my last secret, the one I ought not to take with me to the grave. It feels quite symbolic. The last thing I could give them. 

“Let’s have a toast then” Mama Wells pours Cenzton Tequilla into glasses. Can’t help to notice that she knows that’s the only tequilla I drink. Or used to drink. 

This is it. I feel it. These is my last moment on this world. Surrounded by all the people I loved and cared about. I know I hurt them. I regret the way I chose to go. I wish I had tried to fight. I wish I hadn’t given up. My life wasn’t only mine. It belonged as much to me as to these people around me. And I took it from all of them. But now... 

Now I’m only happy. Because I had an amazing life. I loved , I hated, I laughed, I cried. _I lived_. 

“To Valerie!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! If you did, let me know with a comment or a kudos because I have no idea if anyone will like what I write and if there's any point in writing more fanfiction for you. If there is, I will gladly write more!


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